It was summer evening in 2011, a small tourist town with as not as much as 10,000 people over the winter, but more then 20,000 over the summer. In my apartment on the hills, near the sea I could hear the music, the sound of fun. Loneliness has never breached my heart as much as those moments.
Those moments when you’re alone and the music, the people you hear keep reminding you of it. So I decided to go for a walk, to calm my mind, there was always a hope to meet someone, someone that might brighten my heart, even if it is for the evening.
I’m an average looking guy, nothing too special, brown hair, blue eyes, decent built, not to fat nor too skinny. I liked myself despite the tremendous lack of confidence that flew about my aura. Always a ray of hope flowing around there too.
Locked the door and started walking towards the music. It was somewhat of a renaissance town, stone houses and streets, decorated in a slightly modern way. Not many knew me there, perhaps I liked it that way.
The street lamps weren’t so strong, so close together. Shadows of the night have their role. It was a nice feeling, a nice atmosphere for the town, almost like I’m forgetting how lonely I ever was.
The stars were bright, oh so very bright. The music was getting louder as I was on a large staircase near the center of the town. They were wide, white, stone. A few stairs and a few straight steps, leading me to the main street, to the music.
I see the people moving about, some are heading home, some are going out. Most of them were with someone, not many walked alone and it hurt. It hurt knowing so many are together yet I’m alone. Step by step, yes I was jealous, jealous of every single one of them walking together.
Why did the universe give me such a challenge, why must I walk alone, I wonder and wonder, my heart pounding, my eyes tearing up. I shook my head, no, I’m not going to pity myself, not tonight.
There was a band playing in the open, right next to the main street, around 50 people were either standing and watching, or sitting in the pizzeria nearby, but many, many more have been walking around.
The long seafront or the esplanade, which way should I take? Does it matter? I simply walked on the esplanade, right next to the sea, avoiding people, watching street-sellers trying to make a few bucks. It was quite a long track, the further I went from the center the less people there were, reaching the of the trail “What now” I wondered, sat down and just stared at the sea, the stars and the moon.
Sigh, ten minutes has passed I should start heading back, to get to the end of the seafront and back home, to a warm bed, a soft pillow. Mostly it was families walking, or couples, young or old. They all seemed to have a good time, what was wrong with them?
What kind of families are those? I never had one of those, no matter how much my parents insisted on taking these walks together I always found them boring, not for me. Always trying to avoid, did they embarrass me? Did I embarrass them? Who knows what went around my mind, all I knew was I didn’t want to.
The band was still playing, less and less people around as it was getting late, its summer season, most of these freaks are gonna wake up at 6am to go to the beach. I was born on the sea shore, all my life I lived by the sea, nothing special to me. In fact I don’t even remember the last time I went for a swim.
And there was I, in the middle of the seafront, observing people who passed by, trying not to get lost in my thoughts. I looked to the right, a beautiful sight. She was leaning on the wall, also observing people, I saw boredom on her face, perhaps loneliness, such as I knew it to be.
I couldn’t help but to smile, my eyes reaching her more and more, she looked back but I looked away. Playing with her eyes, what was so wrong about looking at each other? I saw her started to move like she was going to start walking to me but she leaned on the wall again, was she too shy, was I too shy?
I clenched my teeth, my heart pounding faster then ever I started walking to her, my hands were shaky, sweaty. But in the end what could I possibly lose?